WEEK 4 - The Bachelor 2014 (Juan Pablo)

Jan. 27, The Bachelor went to Seoul, South Korea. The 13 women were all very excited and screamed as soon as Chris Harrison told them where they were headed, and I have no idea why. It just sounds miserable. Why anyone ever wants to travel is a beyond me.

Group Date #1 - Juan Pablo met the broads for the group date and joined 21, a very popular singing group in Korea compared to the Spice Girls but with less talent and shittier accents. Everyone showed off their dancing abilities (or lack thereof) on stage with the group. Later that night, the girls were painting nurse Nikki out as a negative person. She made the mistake of bringing up how fake Kat is and now she's the bad guy. During some one-on-one time, Nikki admitted that she was out of her element during their dancing before telling Juan Pablo she was ready to become a mom and works around kids all the time.

Juan Pablo later pulled Nikki away and offered her the rose, which pissed everyone else off. After she got the rose, Juan Pablo kissed her and brushed her hair behind her ear which was unbelievably sensual.  You could just feel the butterflies in Nikki's stomach by the way he touched her and I had to pause the show and touch myself.

One-On-One Sharleen - They walked around some flea market in South Korea. They do something like this every season.  The producers think it's a great idea to explore culture and walk around in these dangerous places and try various shitty foods because that's what real life is like apparently.  I have no idea how they were not knocked out, kidnapped and locked into some Korean basement where an obese man who doesn't speak English straps them to opposite walls.  Juan Pablo is awaken by Sharleen's screams while she's being vigorously fucked by a pair of scissors. The man then makes an incision into Juan Pablo and pulls out his intestines and attaches them to a hook. He tells Juan Pablo if he is able to cross the room to the other side (pulling his entire intestines out of his body in the process), take the scissors and cut Sharleen's ropes to release her, both will be finally free... But alas, that doesn't happen.

Anyway, later Juan Pablo makes Sharleen sing Opera for him and then they share another incredibly passionate kiss.  I'm so fucking turned on by the way they kiss.  The way Juan Pablo gently places his hand on the side of her neck just below her cheek, and the way he ends the kiss by softly biting her bottom lip, it totally reminds me... of myself, because I am just that awesome.

They shared similar stories about where they live and how they grew up and Sharleen told him that she feels like he just gets her.  Juan Pablo replied, "I get you. The first day you walked out of the limo I got you." Sharleen said her heart stopped for a second.  Juan Pablo brings up the topic of kids and Sharleen takes the gamble of being honest and saying something he might not want to hear.  Juan Pablo says he appreciates her honesty and gives her the rose anyway... then they start making out again.  That's it.  Show is officially paused.  I'm completely hard.

Group Date #2 - The remaining six chicks met Juan Pablo for a “crazy day in Korea.” Their first stop was a dollhouse-like karaoke place where they had to sing shitty Korean music that no one could understand, followed by a paddleboat ride in some huge ducks or some shit. The group then went for “fish pedicures,” and everyone tried octopus including Clare, who was a big pussy.  Juan Pablo tells the broads that he's not kissing anyone tonight because he doesn't want his daughter to think he's a whore. Naturally, this confuses the chicks cause they know he's kissed at least 6 so far.  He ended up kissing Clare who has been acting extremely possessive the whole date. But Andi got the rose for connecting with him or whatever.

Later, the cocktail party and rose Ceremony were held in some Korean palace where they obviously used to torture blacks and Jews.

Sent home: Lauren (cause she's whiny) and Elise

Who's left?