WEEK 8 - The Bachelorette 2013 (Desiree)

Week 8 was the week for hometown dates and it did not disappoint!

Zak - Zak surprises Des right off the bat by driving up in a fucking snow cone truck and tells the camera, "She's going to be an employee of the family snow cone business."  They're quickly bombarded with children.  While Des attempts to serve them all, Zak runs down the street in a penguin costume.  

So they finally go in to meet Zak's family and holy shit... Zak's sister is smokin hot!  Who would have thought that someone related to him would be so fuckable?  I was hoping that Des would have dumped Zak and just started making out with his sister.  Or at the very least, Des could have said, "Listen, I know Zak is in the next room, but would you mind if I tasted your pussy?"  Or maybe they could have done a 3-way.  

Anyway, Zak's brother and sister sing her some shit song that he wrote about how she fits in their family.  It was just awful.  Zak later told Des that he loves her.  It's gonna be pretty crushing when he gets sent home. 

Drew - The day starts off with a bang when we get to meet Drew's retarded sister.  Remember back in the day, when it was acceptable to make fun of retarded people?  Remember the sounds you would make when imitating them?  This is EXACTLY what she sounded like.  Unbelievable.  She is 100% dependent on others.  Has to be fed and bathed and no one actually knows what she's ever thinking or feeling.  She really should be the poster child for abortion.  I mean let's be honest.  Who wants to deal with that shit?  Why don't you see animals in the wild who are this retarded?  Because the mother eats them.  She knows better and ends their shitty life before it begins.  Take note humans.  We really need to kill more babies especially when we know this will be their existence.  Cells don't always come together the proper way and it's our responsibility to vacuum them out and start over.  But Chad, you might say, isn't it God's will for that child to be born that way?  To that I say, if there were a god, he made us smart enough to create the technology that allows us to determine whether or not cells come together the right way so if we detect a problem, we can destroy it and try again.  Of course god isn't real so that argument is a waste of time either way you look at it.  If Drew lasts beyond the rose ceremony I will be completely shocked.  Later on Drew tells Des that he loves her and Drew's dad tells Des that she's met an angel, meaning Drew's retarded sister.  Clearly Drew's father is in denial and besides, he has a shitload of money and doesn't have to be the one to take care of that mess anyway so he can say whatever he wants to make himself look like a hero.  We all know better.

Chris - Chris shows Des the park in which he grew up playing baseball.  He made Des play catch and once she hit a couple balls, he started going crazy.  He was so turned on to see Des dressed like a man hitting balls.  I don't think I have to say it.  But I will.  If Des chooses Chris, it's inevitable that he will ask her to wear a strap-on to fuck him in the ass.  So Des meets his fam and Chris's dad starts working on her back cause he's some back specialist or some shit.  When he talks to Chris, he's doing some nose-blowout thing where we get to see drippings from Chris's nose.  Isn't this show fantastic?!

Brooks - This whole segment was focused around Brooks letting down his walls.  He seems the most distant out of all the guys but that makes him the most realistic too.  He's the only guy who hasn't said "I love you" to Des.

Desiree's piece of shit brother Nate - Des met with her brother, who fucked up her chances with Sean last season.  Unfortunately it was anticlimactic and he seems to be more relaxed this time around.  Hopefully this isn't the last we'll see of him though.

To my surprise, Zak was sent home this week.  I really fucking hate Chris and Drew has too much baggage.  I really hope Zak will be the next bachelor, but they might go with someone attractive instead.

Who's left?