WEEK 4 - The Bachelorette 2013 (Desiree)

The fourth episode aired June 17. With two one-on-one dates and a group date that was just hideous.

Date #1 Brad - Des took Brad to the boardwalk to play games or some shit in Atlantic City.  Des was conflicted most of the date wondering if Brad was right for her.  I was conflicted most of the date wondering if Brad was right for women in general.  It seems pretty obvious that Brad is gay and he must be using The Bachelorette show as a way to prove his friends wrong... which isn't working.  Well after walking to the top of some lighthouse or some shit, Des realizes that Brad needs a cock and her clit isn't large enough to suffice.    

Group Date - The guys have to compete in a Mr. America pageant at Atlantic Boardwalk Hall.  Michael G. explains to the camera how he's always dreamed of becoming Mr. America and he has an opportunity to make those dreams become a reality.  Obviously Brad wasn't the only gay guy in the house.  The guys migrate over to a table full of crap to help give them an idea for the talent portion.  The guy with the dumbest name Juan Pablo grabs a baton and starts twirling it making everyone ooo and ahhh.  Juan Pablo makes gay guy number 3.

Chris says, "No one has grabbed the high heels yet," and he puts them on.  Gay guy number 4.  Des is pretty much fucked.  Shirtless Zak was the only guy there with actual talent as he played and sang a song he wrote which actually wasn't terrible.

Later that night, Chris tries to redeem himself and show Des that he doesn't love sucking cock so he tells her that writes poetry in coffee shops???  Shirtless Zak gets the group date rose after a heartfelt speech from Des about how he makes her feel.  

The gang hung out by the pool in which we get to see Des in her smokin hot black bikini again.  I don't know how the guys don't just shoot a load right there when looking at her.  I know I did.

Date #2 James - They have to fly over and check out the Hurricane Sandy victims... cause that's romantic.  James starts getting excited and begins pleasuring his penis right there in the helicopter.  He's like, "Awe man, just thinking about these people being dead and homeless makes me so horny." Then he said, "These people don't have to go to the beach. The beach comes to them!"  I'm only assuming that's what he said.  I didn't pay attention cause  I was too busy writing this stupid blog. I'm glad I started paying attention when i did because the tour guide said, "These people who vacation in these houses, their lives will never be the same."  I seriously laughed out loud.  What The Bachelorette has taught me is that we shouldn't waste our money helping Hurricane Sandy victims because they're all rich ass holes who only have to find a different vacation spot.  Fuck them all. 

James said that this rollercoaster used to be a sign of joy and now it's tragedy but this American flag on the top is a sign of hope.  Is he out of his fucking mind?  It's a sign that Americans have too much time on their hands!  Fucking go to work or have sex or something.  Rich ass holes riding rollercoasters near their vacation homes have time to put an American flag on the top to gloat to other countries how much shit heads we truly are. Later in some bar or some shit, James tells Des that he cheated on his last girlfriend of 5 years but Des honors him with a rose for being honest.  He seems like a good dude.  He might be my second favorite behind Brooks.

Des and James gave the rest of their planned date to this couple who were Sandy survivors.  The wife expressed that the date was so romantic it left her beaver sopping wet which was a surprise because she hasn't been wet in 27 years.  I was surprised that she used the word beaver!  That term of endearment for the vagine hasn't been used since it became popular to shave it bald.  By the looks of her though, I'm sure she still has nice, thick, coarse hair that her husband has to part just to get the tip in.  But lets be honest.  She doesn't make him hard anymore anyway.  Although he was hanging out Desiree for a bit so it's possible. Unfortunately the wife didn't actually say anything about her beaver.  Maybe.

Sent home: Brad, Zack K. 

 

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