WEEK 3 - The Bachelorette 2013 (Desiree)

Bachelorette 2013 Desiree Hartsock had a few tough decisions to make during the third week of her season on ABC’s hit reality TV dating show. The episode aired Monday, June 10, and included two group dates and a one-on-one with Kacey.

Group Date #1 - Des has the guys play dodge ball... cause that's real manly.  But Chad, you might say, they were playing on a professional level and throwing the ball really hard!  To that I would say, it's fucking dodge ball.  It's a fucking middle school game being played by a bunch of adults who have nothing better to do with their testosterone.  "Hey look at me!  I can throw a ball really hard!  In my spare time I like to shave my legs and suck cock but my real love is throwing balls at guys."  Fucking ridiculous.  Of course I feel the same about shooty hoops and kicking a ball between polls.  It's all homo-erotic slapping asses, showering together bullshit.  At one point Des says she likes to see guys in their natural state.  How often does she watch guys play professional dodge ball?!  What the hell is she talking about?  Brooks breaks a freakin finger at the beginning of the 3rd match, because let's not forget, this is a real man's game.  Anyway, the blue team wins and even though the red team is supposed to be sent home, Des invites everyone to continue the date because she needs to get to know everyone a little more.

Later that evening, Brad drops the bomb that he has a 3 year old son and he watches him full time because his ex is an alcoholic and got him involved with domestic abuse charges that were later dropped.  I'm sure we can safely say Brad won't be sticking around for too long.  Why would Des put herself in a position where she has to deal the alcoholic ex?

In classic Bachelor Nation fashion, Books shows up in his dodge ball outfit at the end of the date sporting a splint for his stupid finger.  They end up making-out and Des is left wondering if his penis is stronger than his fingers.  Hopefully we'll find out soon.

The group date rose went to Chris which is shocking to everyone because we never even saw a conversation with Chris.  The two head off to a private concert by Kate Earl, whoever the hell that is.  Could have been worse. (Soulja Boy)

Before the one-on-one with Kasey, Chris Harrison brings in Stephanie Larimore, a playboy playmate and current girlfriend to one of the guys, Brian.  Stephanie rips Brian apart on national television claiming that they're still together and asking how Brian could leave her and her son.  Des sends him home immediately.  How great would it be if Stephanie were the next bachelorette?!

< Yep.  That's her!

Thinking about the recent events, Brandon breaks down and shares how he can relate because his mom would bring a lot of men home that he would look up to and they would all leave.  Not only is Brandon obviously the hottest guy there, but he has a sensitive side that we can only assume will be shown to Des before the end of the episode.  And yes , you read that correctly.  I said that Brandon is a hot guy.  If I had lady parts, I would probably let him romance me with some dinner and wine, and by dinner and wine I mean nachos and root beer.  Then I would let him lay me down gently on the bed while Barry Manilow plays in the background.  Brandon would then remove his clothes, revealing his perfect body and hard cock ready for me to play with.  He would whisper "I love you" in my ear as he begins to enter me while I'm stimulating my clitoris and then... wait, what was I talking about?

Date #1: Kasey

Des and Kasey try dancing on the side of a building.  The best part was when they got to the ground and Des says, "I think I peed my pants."  All I know is my pants got tighter when she said that.  Later, their dinner was interrupted by a wind storm so they decided to jump into the pool??? It was worth it for me because we got to see Des in a bikini... but for only a split second.  Kasey and Des share an awkward kiss while they froze in the water and he inevitably got the rose.

Group Date #2

Des takes the guys to some wild west bullshit scene where the stunt crew from the new Lone Ranger movie teach the guys some moves.  

The guy with the worst name, Juan Pablo wins some extra time on the group date with Des cause he was a spanish speaking cowboy???  Anyway they make-out which is always awesome. Best part hands down was when he tried to feed Des popcorn and dropped it on her titties.  Without flinching, he picks it right up.  Awesome.

Before the rose ceremony
Des cancels the traditional evening cocktail party and invites everyone to an afternoon pool party.  Before Des even walks in the door, Ben the rapist sneaks outside and talks her into going for a drive.  He feeds her a bunch of bullshit about not wanting to be in the "dad zone" and how he can be romantic and somehow she falls for it.  The creepiest part was when he said, "Shhh, it's our secret," while wearing hot pink shorts.  

Later we get to see Des in a bikini top which shows off her flawless body and sure enough Brandon got his opportunity to tell Des about his childhood and how Brian pissed him off.  Unfortunately, Des didn't feel a connection because she's obviously has horrible eyesight and likes rapists.

Sent home: Brian, Dan, Brandon

Who's left