This week’s episode of “The Bachelorette” included two one-on-one
dates and a group date that will make you lose faith in humanity.
Date #1: Brooks
Desiree chose Brooks to go on her first one-on-one date. She took him to a bridal shop where they tried things on, ate cupcakes, and then went to the big Hollywood sign where they shared their first of many kisses. The pair later ate a romantic dinner on a bridge and were serenaded by singer Andy Grammer. Brooks seized an opportunity to show his vulnerable side and told a story about being angry with his father when his parents divorced. I would love to make fun of this date but I think I'm actually a fan of Brooks. He's the opposite of a cocky douche... which we'll see plenty of on the group date.
Group Date - Des chose Dan, Juan Pablo, Zach K., Ben the father,
Kasey, Will, Brian, Drew, James, Mikey, shirtless Zak W., Nick, Michael, and
Brandon for this shitty adventure. Des announces to the guys that they will be staring in
their own rap video... and the guys erupted with excitement and enthusiasm...
which made me want to vomit. She then
brought out the most worthless human being on the planet, Soulja Boy, and
instantly some of the guys start doing his trademark dance. This date would have been a good idea if Des
had sent every guy home who was excited about rapping with this talentless fuck. I have never
gotten more douche chills in my life.
Later that night, shirtless Zak attempted to show a
deeper side by giving Des an antique journal and said some horseshit about her
writing their story. Everyone in the house thinks that Ben the father is there for the wrong reasons. When he got some alone time with Des he
pretty much forced a kiss between them that just didn't make any sense. He
ended up getting a rose which leads me to believe that Des likes rapists.
Click here to watch the whole "Right Reasons" rap video with Soulja Boy
Click here to watch the whole "Right Reasons" rap video with Soulja Boy
Date # 2: Military Bryden
Des took Bryden on a "road trip" and got snacks, went to the beach but didn't get into a bikini, ate fish tacos, but not Desiree's fish taco, and ended up at the Ojai Valley Inn and Spa. While at dinner, Bryden told some story about being in a car accident which makes him who he is today blah blah blah. THE MONEY SHOT happens when they're in the hot tub and Bryden is just rambling uncomfortably and Des says, "Just kiss me already" with this flirty smile. Hands down, the hottest thing a chick could ever say... well besides, "Don't stop" and "Owe, that hurts" and "Your sandwich is ready." Luckily I didn't have to pause the show to beat off because it went into a 90 second commercial break which was more than enough time for me.
Des took Bryden on a "road trip" and got snacks, went to the beach but didn't get into a bikini, ate fish tacos, but not Desiree's fish taco, and ended up at the Ojai Valley Inn and Spa. While at dinner, Bryden told some story about being in a car accident which makes him who he is today blah blah blah. THE MONEY SHOT happens when they're in the hot tub and Bryden is just rambling uncomfortably and Des says, "Just kiss me already" with this flirty smile. Hands down, the hottest thing a chick could ever say... well besides, "Don't stop" and "Owe, that hurts" and "Your sandwich is ready." Luckily I didn't have to pause the show to beat off because it went into a 90 second commercial break which was more than enough time for me.
Before the rose ceremony - Ben the rapist steals Des away and instantly starts
talking about their kiss, then he forcefully kisses her again. The guys in the house are furious and will hopefully beat his ass.
Sent home: Will, Robert, Nick M.
Who's left
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