WEEK 2 - The Bachelor 2014 (Juan Pablo)

Jan. 13, The Bachelor picked up where last night’s behind-the-scenes special left off.

Date #1 Clare - Juan Pablo picks Clare up from the mansion and blindfolds her before putting her in a car.  Perfect beginning to a date, or a snuff film.  As amazing as it would have been to watch Juan Pablo force random things in her mouth like a hairbrush or a cucumber as she has no choice but to gag never knowing what's coming next, he instead takes Clare to some fabricated winter wonderland in LA and we have to hear Clare talk about how wet she is and how she can see the rest of their lives together because they've spent a total of 20 minutes in the snow.  After some sledding, ice skating, and hot tubbing, former X Factor finalist Josh Krajcik gives them a private concert.

Date #2 Kat - Juan Pablo drove Kat to the airport to ride a private jet to Salt Lake City. The two changed into neon glow-in-the-dark outfits and joined a giant mob at the starting line for the Electric Run.  After the race, the two climbed up on stage and danced for the crowd before Juan Pablo offered Kat the rose.  I gotta tell ya, I would have left immediately.  I would have been like, "Listen Juan Pablo, if that's even your real name, this is fucking ridiculous.  Do I look like a rave chick, or a runner?  Fuck exercise and your stupid glow sticks."  He gave her a rose and I have no idea why.  They couldn't have spoken more than 2 words to one another on the whole stupid date.

Group date - 13 chicks piled into two limos and headed off to meet Juan Pablo in a creepy warehouse and learned they would be participating in a photo shoot for charity. The broads learned they would all be paired with dogs for a “sexy” photo shoot.  A few got naked which made it all worth it.

Kelly got the rose on the group date, probably because Juan Pablo feels sorry for her because she looks like she has down syndrome.

Later that night, everyone went to the hotel.  Cassandra dropped the bomb that she has a 2 year old son.  People with children are just the worst.  Victoria, pictured on the left, made friends with alcohol and had a complete meltdown.  She kept saying something about wanting saran wrap on her face so that Juan Pablo could pee on her and how she didn't want to get wet, just feel the warmth.  I don't fucking know.  She was hot and now she's gone.  Juan Pablo threw her the hell out before the rose ceremony. 

Nurse Nikki didn’t have much of a role week but I have to point out that she looks just like the Seaver’s nanny and Mike’s first serious girlfriend in the show Growing Pains. Actress Julie McCullough on the left, Nurse Nikki on the right.

Sent home: Victoria, Amy, and Chantel... probably because she's black.

Who's left: